Monday, November 19, 2007

Banya of Douches

Moscow nightlife is many things — namely an expensive, decadent, exciting, confusing, unappetizing accelerant of spiritual decline — but, until recently, cool wasn’t one of them. Then all of a sudden everyone developed a sense of ironic distance. Gone is the conspicuous consumption. Gone are the spotlights and the fanfare. The underground elite's favorite clubs are password-encrypted and behind unmarked doors. The newest of this breed is Justo Banya Dush, housed in a converted sauna in the vicinity of Red Square. Which door? Well if you don't know already I'm not going to tell you.

That sign would be a lot more helpful if it was on the outside.

But if you do find it, and can convince the doormen you’re close with Dima Nowslurhisnameov (works like a charm), you’ll enter a true hipster Utopia. In addition to looking really neat and nudge-nudge ironic, its vibe is totally chill. No sloppy drunk people, no ridiculous posturing by your corny endomorphic girlfriend, just a lot of cool cats posted up in the corner with hoodies.

$10 beers seem a little out of place for heaven, but what can you do? Moreover, despite that whole face control business, JBD has serious aspirations to egalitarianism. Which means letting (1) celebs rub elbows with the (2) really rather thick and ordinary, yet well-connected, upper-middle class.

(1) Timati, a.k.a "the Black Star"

(2) Justo-nother yuppie in crowd.

JBD — a club for social climbers of all ages and creeds, a place where grandfathers can take their granddaughters. No one is judging, man.

But there is trouble in paradise. DA (nee Doroshchenko, Anatoly) works for illustrious club photography site For him, if there's one problem with JBD, it's that there's no carnival trash eye candy milling around like at Dyagliev or Rai. He wants to take photographs of things that look visually interesting, not self-congratulatory hipsters who transcended the fray.

That’s he's why he's stuck in the bathroom, snapping pics of himself. So, help DA out. For example, bring a prop. Like a flower.

Simple hand games also work. Anything so you’ll stand out.

DA made this girl retake the photo with her pinkie jammed in her mouth three times in order to capture the perfect degree of whimsy.

Then again, if you’re a hot bitch who’ll flash everything she has, that always works, too.

Justo Banya Dush, 3 Teatralny Proyezd, Metro: Teatralnaya, Tel. 625-6836


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