Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Human Trafficking

Watch out — whoever you are, wherever you are, Moscow can buy you. Hollywood starlets were long the most fashionable human furniture for hire. For the right sum, which was assuredly very generous, they stood around in polite confusion at openings and awards ceremonies. And people osmotically absorbed their glamor.

Read A.A. Gill's monocle-polishing surprise at seeing Gwyneth Paltrow, Academy Award-winning actress and wife of one of England's richest entertainers, in a crate at a Martini launch party last winter:

"She stands in a party frock in a small wooden box with her bodyguards, like a little Punch and Judy show. Photographers and film crews jostle as smart hostesses and the wives of the new rich are jostled in to shake hands. It was, Gwyneth told me later, the weirdest experience of her life."

More recently, Pamela Anderson was rented for the MTV Russia Movie Awards. Ostensibly headlining the ceremony, she appeared on stage only once. But MTV's investment did not go to waste. Presenters made plenty of jokes about her ta-tas, and she was tangentially involved in the night's skandal: Vladimir Menshov (director of, oh shit, "Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears"), displeased at the Academy's Best Picture selection, cast the opened envelope to the ground. "I am not going to present this award to a film that disgraces my country. Let Pamela Anderson present this one," he said. Anderson smiled brightly at her name's mention, not having been supplied with a translator.

Pam impersonators, transcending barriers of language and taste.

But the new vogue, as evidenced by last weekend's VIP "Prorok" premiere, is males. Stephen Baldwin — owned!