Friday, June 13, 2008

Sic Semper Tyrannis

Every once and a while there comes a club that humanity is so much gayer for. This time it’s Famous, from the promoters who did yesteryear hotspot First. It was known for being a) opposite the Kremlin and b) really douchey.

I like to think that Russian nightlife is moving in the right direction – towards democracy and good fashion sense, albeit following a different beat (shitty techno). But with developments like these, it seems that's just a bedtime story told to little bloggers.

There are reasons Moscow clubs have fire problems

Questions abound. How did a club this mid-'90s cheesy survive into the 21st century? Were we lulled into a false sense of security by a string of respectable openings? Is this our punishment for getting too cocky?

While positioning itself as elitny megaclub, Famous lacks the self-introspect and playfulness of Rai and Dyagilev which could push it over the brink to pure camp pleasure. So it’ll just carry on being fascistically exclusive, pointlessly expensive, criminally tasteless and ultimately joyless -- except for, I guess, 1990s club nostalgists.

Klaatu Barata Nikto, man

80s cokehead power couple -- this is complete atavism!

Sadly, he is in her league at Famous

It's Teeeeeeeeeeam Date Rape

As the first big club to open in the Medvedev era, Famous could be a harbinger of bad things to come. Perhaps under that friendly liberalist chipmunk façade, he's an even badder bitch than Putin.

Oh no! Make way for Crazy M

Every cloud has a silver lining, I guess, as the Famous photos have a little something to increase your chances for a successful clubbing experience. Listen up: The wiseguy with the cigar is Alexei Gorobiy, who started the wildly decadent Zima/Leto/Osen franchise. (Read more about him in this indispensible Vanity Fair piece.) And the one doing the devil fingers is the fabled Pasha Feis Kontrol. By day he's a dentist who lives with his mother (unsubstaniated rumor I chose to spread as fact). By night he wields the God-given authority to deeeee-ny your ass. Combined, these two men have the absolute power to make or break your night, so tread carefully. The guy in the middle, disregard.

"You scuffed my Puma! You'll never club in this town again!!!"

Famous, 15 Rochdelskaya Ulitsa, Metro: Krasnopresnenskaya, Tel. 255-5354



B EAST Magazine said...

While you do whinge about the tackiness and $$$-obsession of Moscow nightlife, how come no posts about the more bohemian tusovki, like Mio, Krisis Zhanra or Project OGI?

tshhh-toh-toh said...

"the more bohemian tusovki, like Mio, Krisis Zhanra or Project OGI?" hahaha

Me said...

Mio is about as bohemian as Pizza Khat. A loathesome DJ bar on my eternal caca list for an embarassing feis kontrol incident in winter 2005.

OGI is dirty. Might as well be drinking Sovetskoe Shampanskoye in the bulvar with your pants around your ankles.

Krizis a great place. And bohemian, I guess, because its moderately cheap and lets anyone who speaks English in provided they don't look Asian. If you get thrown out one night for puking, they forgive and forget. Great place. God bless Nash.

Oh no! I'm answering commenters in itemized lists. Am I a crazy Internets person?

tshhh-toh-toh said...

Krizis Zhanra could be a great place if they did not do the same every weekend (i mean "blast partie"). It is one of the worst thing for a club. That's why i do not go there anymore. I just can't stand it, it's like a deja vu. And, by the way, there is a lot more better music than brit pop. But it seems Nash doesn't know about this fact.
And all these fake indie kids who don't need anything else except a bottle of bear and oasis' "don't look back in anger".. It's really really boring.

As for me, the two clubs in the city that are just fine are Solyanka with idle conversation events and 16 tons with INWAVE. nothing else

tshhh-toh-toh said...

..and also Advanced Music events in Gaz Gallery.

but this is not interesting for this blog, i suppose :)

Ana said...

I love this blog. You fully encapsulate the sheer absurdity and ridicule of Moscow life. Being someone who has lived in Moscow half of my life and has spent the other half in Canada and in London , it's nice to see that someone who also has perspective and can take a good laugh at all the pretentiousness permeating Russian culture. I have also found out some great places in Moscow thanks to you! Keep it up.