The World is Not Faire

Oh, man. Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears lives for one week a year, and that’s this one, which lassoes the Supreme Luxury conference and the Millionaire Faire into one diamond-farting extravaganza. Here are scenes from last weekend’s Millionaire Faire, in case you were starting to believe “Market Maturing Toward Tasteful Luxury.”

Vladimir Vladimirovich! So great to hear your voice.

Kids! Get in the helicopter. We’re going to McDonalds.

Keeping up with the Ivanovs.

When in doubt, castle your crazy marble, diamond encrusted Aztec totem.

Fantasy adventure Olga, you look divine.

But is there room left for the microwave?

Come to think of it, I wouldn’t kick the Ivanovs out of bed for eating crackers.

At last! A car to match my 17-year-old girlfriend’s Sony Ericsson.

Where am I?! Ah, yes.

You fool! I found the same 4 icelink rims with Bentley Coupe and 24-hour bodyguard down the street for $2 million!

Children, release those fistfuls of worthless dollars! Now it is the ruble that is doing the fucking.

Stay tuned for the Chocolate Salon at Gostiny Dvor next week, which is all of this, except CHOCOLATE.

Photos: Elite.ru, adensya.ru

Rashn for Dummies

What are the kids saying these days? Free weekly Bolshoi Gorod published a double plus good lexicon of newspeak in Moscow’s dangerously jaded fashion community. Can’t say I’ve heard many of these neologisms in the wild, but then again this is a rarefied crowd we’re talking about. Below are MDBIT’s official summary translations.

Блядопровод — Blyadoprovod
Literally “ho pipeline,” in the oil & gas sense. Used to refer to fashionable Moscow establishments frequented by professional women looking to pick-up johns.

Вертушка — Vertushka
A Vertu cellphone. Also the name of an old Soviet phone network system connecting government lines.

Деревня — Derevnya
Literally “the village,” referring to Baravikha Luxury Village, a focal point for the fashion crowd.

Данила — Danila
Synonymous with freak, a “strange passenger.” The term derives from red-haired Danila Polyakov, who successfully models both man and female lines. Possible to use in the neuter gender — i.e. “polnoe Danilo” (completely Danila) — which is extraordinarily convenient in our new gender-ambiguous world.

Дяга — Dyaga
Russian national nightclub Dyagilev decorated with the Order of the Red Banner. Frequent visits lead to rehab.

Минигарх — Minigarch
Also know as “Oligarch Lite,” “mini-oligarch” or “ruble millionaire.” The term refers to men worth somewhere in the vicinity of $50 million. Not really hip Russian newspeak, since it can already be found in Webster’s dictionary.

Рубль — Ruble
Rublevo-Uspenskoe highway and the surrounding area, which is a natural reserve for Forbesmen (those listed on Forbes Magazine's 100 Richest list).

Тюнинг — Tuning
The main past time of women in the “antique erotic” category. “Zhetskii” (hard) tuning indicates over-saturation with Botox.

У Дини — U Dini
Nickname of Denis Simachev’s bar-café-store on Stoleshnikov Pereulok. Also doubles as a password for feis kontrol — “Is Dinya there?” categorically disarms guards.

Russian — Russian
Describing grandeur and flamboyance, rarely of a constructive type.

Again, THEY SAID IT, NOT ME!

Photo: denissimachev.com

To Viktor, the Eggs

Not all oligarchs are trying to overthrow the government. Viktor Vekselberg, once ranked Russia's third richest man, is paying his debt to society by repatriating Russian art, including $90 million worth of Faberge eggs in 2004. I'll tell you when I've had enough!


The eggs were briefly displayed at the Kremlin Armory for all to remember the fruity indulgences of Imperial Russia. Vekselberg is reportedly leasing a palace in St. Petersburg to permanently house them. It's a poetic bookend to the 20th century, bringing home useless toys of the aristocracy now that Russia's rolling in it.


But, the billionaire is more than a patriotc philanthropist. Today, The Moscow Times reported that his Renova group has become the biggest shareholder in Pallinghurst, which owns the rights to the Faberge brand. Together with Russia's largest diamond producer Alrosa, they'll produce "the world's most exclusive luxury goods brand," which is no idle threat. What, diamond omlettes?


Above all, its a smart physical investment. If Vekselberg falls out with Putin's Russia, he can grab the eggs and hightail it to Acapulco for quevos nuevos russos.

Photos: Getty Images