Peddler of Russian Flesh

Good morning. Google Analytics informs me that the majority of MDBIT visitors arrived at my blog for reasons less pure than an interest in nightlife anthropology. Unfortunately, the searches for RUSSIAN WHORES and WHERE TO FIND WHORES IN MOSCOW and with alarmingly increasing frequency, SERGEY ZVEREV NUDE, usually come up empty-handed. (See that little trick right there? 40 more visitors a day.) But, this time I'm pleased to be able to give the huddled masses what they actually want — SMUT. For your homoerotic viewing pleasure, here are DIMA BILAN'S BUTT and DANILA POLYAKOV STRADDLING A PUSSY. Enjoy.

Exhibit A.

Exhibit B.

Photos: Brian's Myspace, community.livejournal.com/nespat

Bros Hug

My homos are always complaining that being in Moscow messes up their gaydar, because you’ll have guys, like pop star Mitya Fomin, Zhanna Friske's ex, who seem gayer than a handbag full of rainbows.

Because they wear see-through windbreakers and enjoy the company of transvestite performers.

And non-repentantly worship Dolce & Gabbanna.

And laugh really gay.

And have the kind of friends that wear lavender turtlenecks.

And lovingly embrace these friends in public.

But, after all this, they still have a retardedly hot girlfriend and are for other intents and purposes, not gay. So it’s confusing.

Photos: mainpeople.ru

Mo’ Money, Mo’ Mustache

Local boy makes good! Denis Simachev debuted his 2008-2009 Cossack-inspired winter collection for the high-end hipster at Milan Fashion Week. The designer fell back on tried and true elements from his past collections — khokhloma folk print, sassy Cyrillic sloganing — and upped the ironic mustache factor like whoa.

Simachev shares his 'stache

A bit of mustache history: only pedophiles and Latvian men wore them prior to 2005, when they were co-opted by the international hipster movement. (As usual, Moscow’s a little slow on the uptake). But MDBIT says better late than never. The handlebar, the walrus, the Edgar Allan Poe — bring them all on!

Also coming soon to a Moscow near you: bow ties and man dresses!

Photos: fashiontime.ru

I Heart Hate Moscow

Everyone hates Moscow. Everyone except the people who just got here, with a degree in Russian History and a fresh copy of Dostoyevsky in their back pocket. And even they are beginning to realize that the waitresses are mean and it's hard to cross the street.

Non-Muscovite Russians really hate Moscow. My Russian expatriate friends think it unites the cruelty of feudalism with the foolish excesses of capitalism. Which is, like, so embarrassing on the world's stage. The soldiers in my cabin on the train back from Petrozavodsk hated Moscow because the people have no manners or heart (and they have better cell phones than them). "Moskva ne Rossiya! (Moscow isn't Russia!)," I learned. Then we returned to translating their ringtones. And while I am interested by Moscow, in the way I am interested in the carbuncle on my boyfriend's back, I most certainly do not heart it, because the girls are way prettier than me.

Happy New Year, bitches!

If you have spent significant time in Moscow and still think it rocks, you either a) were born here and don't know any better; b) are a Central Asian gastarbeiter living out your wild bachelor years while sending money back to your hovel; or c) are a bottom-feeding expat who couldn't get laid back in Johannesburg. And even the latter two will concede that their hometowns have much better food.

For that reason I'd like to direct our attention away from the great She-Bitch to Norilsk, the northernmost city in Siberia, formerly a slave labor camp and recently named one of the Top Ten Most Polluted Places in the World. (Life just kept getting better!) The entire city is dying from toxins kicked up by the factories of Norilsk Nikel, owned by Russian brazillionaire Mikhail Prokhorov (who is also known for the minor international escandalo of flying planeloads of prositutes into French ski resort Courchevel). But even freezing, atrophied little Norilsk knows how to party. These are from the New year's Eve Bash at "Tornado." We're not in Moscow anymore, Toto.

Fuck dropping $400 on cocktails at a shitty Moscow club. In Norilsk, $20 buys you enough Sovetskoe Shampanskoe to kill a horse

One boy and one girl for every able-bodied man in Norilsk!

Grease your hair back, unbutton your shirt and pump your fist in the air, because you ARE the life of the party, Mr. Sparkles

Yes! I've searched for months for a photo of one of these in the wild: the provincial male "all bangs" 'do! I thought it went extinct in 2003. I see you, brother!

Shaving squigglies onto your scalp? Also still cool

Unfortunately, other Moscow hair fads have contimated Norlisk like so much nickel and arsenic in the air

And the girls are still smokin' hot. I guess nowhere's perfect

The best part of getting outside Moscow? No feis kontrol!

Photos: Geometria.ru

I Less Than Three DJ Anton Ms

In the tradition of MDBIT half-heartedly stalking bizarrely coiffed fashion queens, let me introduce DJ Anton M, who is certainly no Danila, but turns up on this website so often I am proud to finally get an ID on him.


Lurking in the background of every high-fashion event, Anton M stands out for his aggressively asymmetric bangs, ambiguous sexuality and little Asian dudeness.

Laying down the beats at Solyanka

Laying down the beats at a children’s furniture exhibit opening

This is a man who has spun everywhere from East Moscow to Ukraine, from the opening of TopShop in Yevropeisky Mall to some party at Respublica bookstore. Named Harper Bazaar Russia’s “Most Fashionable DJ in Moscow,” still Anton maintains, “I’m not a DJ, I just play music my friends like.”

Photos: anton.m.pdj.ru, geometria

Ochen Horrowshow

Given the city's predilection for Bacchanalian excess, it makes sense that Moscow would take to Halloweeen, a non-organic holiday, like a street dog to an abandoned toddler. Russian girls have embraced a fundamental truth known by American sorority girls for quite some time: Halloween is a great excuse to dress like a ho. With enough care, even the most banal costume can be skankified.

Skank Nurses

Bride of Skankenstein

Skangel

You don't understand the infinite sadness that comes from spending hours meticulously wrapping yourself in Ace bandages treated overnight in black tea for that special 2,000-year-old mummy look, only to be turned away from XIII in favor of this girl.

In general, guys come up with better costume ideas, as they're not afraid to experiment with different world cultures.

I refuse to believe he went there. Perhaps its a bad tan. Perhaps he was out of conditioner.

Perhaps the star got stuck to his uniform in the dryer.

But Halloweening as Holodomor victim? That's tasteless.

Finally, Russians spend years trying to undo a black PR campaign that bears roam freely on the streets of Moscow, then this guy fucks it all up.


Club XIII, 13 Myasnitskaya Ul., Metro: Chistiye Prudy, Tel. 925-3550

Photos: Geometria.ru, moscowfaces.ru

Top Five Plastic Surgery Disasters

5. Sasha Feis Kontrol. His voluminous, marshmallow lips are probably natural, but he turned me away from Leto one too many times...

4. Muz-TV host-turned-LDPR Duma deputy Masha Malinovskaya

3. Singer Flilip Kirkorov. What big eyes you have!

2. Liza Sharikova — actress, model, Fresh Art groupie and frozen in time. Once she shaved her head and tried her hand at singing. Neenu, neenu!

1. The Western world should really know about Sergei Zverev — hairdresser, reality TV star and recipient of our lifetime achievement award. You go, girl!

But these are all celebrities. To witness real collagen in the wild, go to Dyagilev. Oh, we have seen these sisters before. (Cute! That was back when MDBIT hadn't ironed out its grave formatting problems.) Are there two? Three? Four? I can't tell when it bleeds into the next set of girls or when it stops being Dyagilev, but it's a great ride.


Finally, it's good to see we have a sense of humor about things!

Photos: 44110.com. elite.ru, nightparty.ru, geometria.ru, lizasharikova.ru, and myriad other sources